At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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