he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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