So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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