I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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