big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
