I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
