dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
