he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
