Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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