I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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