oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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