I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
