Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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