He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
