Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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