If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
