Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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