The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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