you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
