so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
