His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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