we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
MIDGETS
????
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
