i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
