Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
