and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
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The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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