i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
