it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
