I'm going to jail i love you
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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