Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
