so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My vagina just recognized that song.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Who put my cat in the fridge?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
