Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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