Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
im about as happy as oj after his trial
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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