All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
