I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
