How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
