there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
