awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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