one two three fourrrrnication!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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