I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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