Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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