a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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