So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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