Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
