no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
