I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
