and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
