whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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