We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
