11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smelled like a LAN party
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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