and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You ruined the universe
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
