At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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