Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
