Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
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do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
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Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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