So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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