My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
