Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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