Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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