For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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