If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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