I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
