I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
