Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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