he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
