He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
