Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
