I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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