Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
where are my eyebrows?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
