saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
