the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
