I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
