You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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