If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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