just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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