Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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