i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
