I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
