If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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