i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
