All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
