And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
