im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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