you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
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So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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