Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
