I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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