shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
